27 September 2008

Vanity thy name is moustache

First of all, opportunities to post and read here have been limited lately because I have been unable (or only sporadically, rarely able) to access anything blogger related such as my blog, other blogspot blogs, my account etc. This seems to be something to do with my isp but I can't sort it out for complicated reasons best long-story-shortened to administrative cock ups. Not that I post or reply to comments as often as I should anyway but it's annoying when I can't.

handlebar moustache promenade


Secondly, moustaches. Handlebar moustaches. According to the British Handlebar Moustache Club, a handlebar moustache is "a hirsute appendage of the upper lip, with graspable extremities". And that, dear friends, is what I have set about raising from the erstwhile bare region in question. Last year I grew a moustache for a play and quite liked it. Nobody else liked it and one night after a performance, an unkind fellow called out "Got your number 118!" (viewers of commercial television from the United Kingdom may understand the reference) and so I removed it as soon as the show was over.

During the summer I took part in another amateur dramatic production wherein my endeavours were enhanced by a hirsute appendage. Googling around in search of grooming tips and purveyors of wax, I found the Handlebar Moustache Club and my purpose in life became clear. I immediately set about extending my hirsute appendage in the direction of graspable appendages. When the play finished, I kept the beastie, remodelling it slightly with the aim of achieving an english. I quickly secured the position of Pirate Captain for which a handlebar was considered appropriate and so now the hirsute appendage is a permanent fixture, and one of which I'm insufferably proud.

vanity thy name is handlebar moustache


It is somewhat alarming and depressing to note the derision and hostility with which hirsute appendages are generally received by 90% of the Liverpool population, including close friends and family. I can number on one sawmill adjusted hand the number of positive comments it has attracted in person. The uninformed moustachism of the hairless-toplipped-masses have only hardened my enthusiasm to be a moustache activist. That is, if some of you who hate it had only expressed a little indifference it might not be there now for you to hate but as it is, well, it is and so shall remain.

13 comments:

evve said...

Superb pictures! on the appendage itself I shall remain mute. But surely, it has to be, that is knitting you've got in your bag in the top one?

Dem said...

Better reply now while I'm able because I'm sure it won't last.

Apart from standing there, an supreme and skillful effort I am informed, I can take no credit for the pics. I've passed your comments on to K. K got a digital SLR a few months back, always gets miles better results from whatever quality of camera than I do, but this camera is a quality tool befitting her talents.

Mute says it all. Something happened in the 80s from which the tache is struggling to recover. The fall and rise of flared jeans, and more recently of spray-on jeans, does give me confidence that this will, one day, be reversed and all will celebrate hirsute appendage wherever it grows.

Not knitting, except in the past tense, I'm afraid - a scarf. Wish I could knit. I quite like the idea of spinning and knitting doghair.

marja-leena said...

Cute! Suits you.
(My husband has a beard so I'm used to facial hair on men.)

Dem said...

Cheers Marja-Leena - Canada and Finland always struck me as sensible places not too much given to the pursuit and perpetuation of petty prejudices and the combination of the two in you clearly makes for a sensibly open minded mix.

Kati said...

Just noticed that you have even changed your profile picture to accommodate your new look. I gather your moustache is here to stay. If only I hadn't been so much against it! Well, I'd suppose it will keep you warm during the winter. xxx

Dem said...

Yes, the moustache is stuck on with something stronger than superglue - with my own love for it. I have come to accept that a moustache is without honour in its own living room and I now expect no different. It keeps the area between my nose and top lip warm but I think I shall still need seasonal clothing for the rest of me x

Natalie said...

Great! It suits you and adds to the French/gipsy/pirate Aznavour-ish image. The striped shirt and the cap are perfect accessories. Now all you need is the accent to go with it all.
Count me among the 'tache supporters.

Dem said...

Thanks Natalie. The striped shirt is from Marimekko, a brilliant quality finnish brand, the hat is an irish tweed jobby. I have to disagree with you about accent though - apart from being a bit watered down by many moves and my tendency to acquire vowel sounds from my surrounds, I like my yorkshire/generic northern accent.

Dick said...

Long time no comment - both ways! The tache is a triumph, Dem. It makes Billy Childish's look like bumfluff. Now I'm retired I'm having serious reflections on the organisation of my facial furntiure. I don't think I could scare up anything quite as grand as yours, but I might have a crack at a home-grown version!

doppelganger said...

blimey... how did i miss this?!?

a masterpiece....

Dem said...

Dick - yes, good to see you here and profound apologies for my absence thither. I'm terrible at keeping up with blog reading!

Thanks for your praise. I wasn't aware of Billy Childish's hirsute appendage prior to your comment, which isn't a good show at all considering he's a founding stuckist as well and I once visited a stuckist exhibition at the Walker and blogged about it (on the original GoG, RIP). I have to disagree with your bumfluff verdict though - I find Mr Childish's English handlebar to be very pleasing on the eye, especially the way it parts at his philtrum. I also disagree about your own moustache growing abilities - I am sure that if you only try, you'll find a noteworthy hirsute appendage right under your nose. I hope you do try and in the event that you do I look forward to seeing it and declaring and advertising its magnificence.

doppleganger - I don't know how you missed this but all is not lost because you have found it now - I hope that your have managed to derive at least a modicum of joy from its photographic reproduction here. I am warmed, encouraged and gratified by your generous and enthusiastic assessment of its merits.

Apologies for my delay in replying to your comments - my ISP prevented me seeing this website (as it is occasionally wont to do and I am powerless to do anything about) when I first received your words via email and then I went away for a few days, only returning yesterday.

art-and-ghosts said...

jeez, im from near Wigan (greater manchester) so i can fully appreciate your point!

nonetheless, the 'stache is supreme. do not be deterred!

^^

Anonymous said...

More power to ya man :)